Everything Is Backwards In Prison

Backwards

  1. We lock our closets but we can’t lock the bathroom door. In fact, in many prisons there isn’t a bathroom door.
  2. The best food you get to eat is vending machine food in the visiting room or gas station food from the commissary. The chow hall food is practically inedible.
  3. The windows don’t have any curtains but still fail to let much light in.
  4. It is dark in the housing units, yet people complain when you turn on the lights.
  5. When you do turn on the lights they are still not bright enough to read by.
  6. Bath soap and shampoo are used to wash your personal dishes.
  7. The day room is most crowded at night.
  8. We use chairs as a ladder to climb unto the top bunk instead of sitting on them.
  9. Emergency count is never an emergency and always takes longer than regular count.
  10. In the chow hall they feed grown men kid’s meal portions.
  11. Disposable plastic silverware is used over and over forever.
  12. Guys talk about the ugliest women as if they are beauty queens when they would never give them a second thought out in the world.
  13. We refill the ink barrel of our favorite disposable pen.
  14. We recharge disposable batteries.
  15. Laundry comes out of the wash looking dirtier than before it was washed.
  16. Headphones are used to block out sound.
  17. The family we were tired of listening to can’t talk long enough on the phone.
  18. We sometimes have to lock-up to get free of a bad situation.
  19. New flat screen TVs have smaller screens than the old CRTs and cost 50% more.
  20. Some work only to steal.
  21. The MDOC pays students to go to school.
  22. Some inmates have their people put money in other prisoner’s trust accounts because they can’t have any in their own.
  23. We brush our teeth before meals.
  24. No good deed goes unpunished.
  25. Bad behavior is expected.
  26. We learned that the truth will not set you free.

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